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  THEY CALLED MY SON THE “DONUT BOY”—AND SUDDENLY EVERY COP IN TOWN KNEW ABOUT HIM

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  MY DAUGHTER GOT HIT BY A CAR—BUT SHE SHOWED EVERYONE WHAT REAL STRENGTH LOOKS LIKE

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  I NEVER THOUGHT I’D GET MY WALLET BACK—BUT THE POLICE CAUGHT THE THIEF IN SECONDS

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  SHE BIT ME THE FIRST TIME WE MET—NOW OLIVE’S READY FOR HER FOREVER HOME

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  MY VEGAN FRIEND LET HER BABY CHEW ON SAND AND ROCKS—AND I DIDN’T KNOW IF I SHOULD STEP IN

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  I BROKE MY ARM TRYING TO HELP AN OLD WOMAN CROSS THE STREET—AND THEN SHE JUST WALKED AWAY

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  MY CAT REFUSES TO SLEEP WITHOUT A HANDSHAKE—BUT LAST NIGHT, SHE DIDN’T OFFER HER PAW

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  PEOPLE STARE WHEN I WALK AROUND WITH 6 KIDS—BUT THEY NEVER GUESS THE REAL REASON WHY

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  MY MOM ADOPTED ME WHEN I WAS SICK AND UNWANTED—NOW I’M AN OLYMPIAN AND SHE STILL THINKS SHE’S THE LUCKY ONE

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  I SAW MY NEIGHBOR THROW THIS BOX INTO THE ALLEY—AND WHAT I FOUND INSIDE STILL MAKES MY HANDS SHAKE

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  I LET MY DAUGHTER SLEEP FOR TWENTY MINUTES—AND CAME BACK TO FIND THE KITTENS HAD CROWNED HER THEIR QUEEN

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  MY DAUGHTER WAS EXHIBITING CONCERNING BEHAVIORS—NO ONE KNEW WHY, UNTIL HER TEACHER SHARED AN UNEXPECTED OBSERVATION